The Progression of a "Lad's Night Out"

The day has arrived, i left the comfort of my home and ventured out on a Saturday night. Granted it's a rare occasion but in celebration of two friends Birthdays and the joy of having quit my job  it felt like the social norm to join my small group of friends in some shameless binge drinking... Or what should have been shameless that is but instead turned out to be a rather entertaining display of "One Upping" for lack of a better word. These are my observations of "The Lads On Tour"

As someone who hangs around with a predominantly male crowd there is a noticeable "Who has the biggest dick competition" and from what i can gather the winner gets to be Johnny Big Bollox for the night, this competition seems to be most prominent when there is alcohol involved and can start small and relatively harmless. 

It starts with a penny in a glass and a chant and you had best drink your way down to that penny before the chant ends otherwise you are met with the most cock shrivelling sound a man can hear.. The disapproving boo-ing of your mates around you. 

This will then progress to shots, how many can you down? and as the alcohol contents increases the bar lowers and the more offensive the jokes become which then will lead to gross out stories. 

So perhaps Dave will tell you about that time he was fucking a girl and she called him Daddy to which Tom will respond with a story of how his girlfriend farted during sex and finally Harry will chime in with that time a German hooker took a steamy dump on his chest and contracted Cholera. Stories to pass on for generations to come. One day they will sing songs of your triumphs. 

So far this is pretty tame for a night out, right? but then part of the group may slunk off to see who will partake in the taking of drugs leaving the few who refuse labelled as pussies and whipped but the beauty of a good group of friend is that despite the name calling, you stick together. Finally perhaps after a few hiccups with minor fallings out that are resolved quickly then mocked the rest of the evening someone does something that is maybe a little too far. 

This tends to range from whipping your dick out, exchanging bodily fluids with a friend, taking home that 60 year old who's name consists of two adjectives, my personal favourite is accepting a car park BJ from the the lovely local alcoholic and vomiting midway through but still desperately begging her to continue like a petulant child despite the fact her husband in a few feet away looking for her.

And thus the tone is at its lowest point and it's time to down the remainder of your pint and venture off into your local kebab shop. No need to order, these guys know you and your hot wings are cooking because if you haven't destroyed your liver tonight you can best bet you're ruining your ass-hole because in the morning  nothing says good night out like a thumping head-ache and a liquid poo.

In observing this as an alien to much social interaction it's easy to see how things can get out of hand and even dangerous when a group is in a constant attempt to one up each-other and there have been many situations where it has gotten dangerous and has sent people to hospital or even caused death but the reality is 90% of the time it doesn't lead to much but a bit of shame the next day and that is because my friends seem to share a strong bond through their stupid acts. They know each-others psychical limits and will intervene if they feel one will get hurt. There's this insane comfort level and trust that comes with this sort of distasteful behaviour and knowing that verbally there is no limit and you are free to speak your mind openly and honestly and that in turn causes a strong bond.

This post has absolutely no point or moral. Its just a very interesting phenomenon of fuckery to watch play out.