Wednesday 28 January 2015

REVIEW! Jason Goes to Hell: The Final Friday (1993)

Yet another awful film for me to rant about, slate and give a terrible description of the plot.

So close to finishing

Only three more days left!

Jason X (2001)
Freddy vs Jason (2003)
Friday the 13th (2009)




SPOILER ALERT!!!



This movie was just... AWFUL! In the beginning some sexy lady is having a bath, Jason chases her. She runs out. Turns out it was a trap set by the FBI and they destroy Jason (Finally!) It was this point where i though "Man, this movie might be good" but i was quickly proved wrong. We find out that Jason's heart is still beating and for some reason a guy eats the hear... This bit was never explained. According to the Wiki page (My back up for fact checking) he is hypnotized by the heart but i don;t think this was explained or shown very will in the film. But anyway the dude eats the heart.

(Eh? You see the reference i made there?)

And Jason takes over his body i guess? So now Jason is a body snatcher it's time to leave the morgue and make his way back to Crystal Lake. Or is it? We find out that Jason is looking for his family. WHAAAAAT JASON HAS FAMILY?! Yeah, the plot holes. anyway apparently Jason had a sister who has never been mentioned somehow. Okay, i just read that Diana was Jason's half-sister but that begs the question. Who would fuck crazy Mrs. Voorhees twice?! Okay so he is not looking for the family to be reunited, he actually is looking for them because all the bodies he uses are decaying quickly for some reason and if he puts his heart in another Voorhees his old body will be restored. So he finds Diana and kills her but is thrown out the window by Steve (Diana's daughter's ex boyfriend) so he cant put his hear inside of her. How does one put one's heart in anothers body? well it comes out through the mouth and i kinda looks like poop. So next he has to look for Diana's daughter Jessica who has a baby. Bodies get snatched. People die. Jessica finds out that the only thing that can kill Jason permanently is with a special blade that will only work in the hands of a Voorhees. After a drawn out process of losing the blade under a cabinet and Jason getting his body back because Diana's body was hidden under the floor boars (some scandal i forgot to mention) and Steve trying to fist fight Jason eventually Jessica finally kills Jason. Huge hands come from the ground and drag him down. Jessica and Steve kiss. Where the fuck is the baby?! It's not explained.
Now are you ready for that plot twist ending?! i bet you are! Ready? Here we go!
THE MASK IS STILL LEFT ON THE GROUND AND FREDDY KREUGER'S HAND COMES OUT OF THE GROUND AND PULLS THE MASK INTO THE FLOOR WHICH I SUPPOSE MEANS THEY'RE BOTH IN HELL EVEN THOUGH AS FAR AS I KNOW FREDDY WAS NEVER ACTUALLY KILLED! (I've only watched one of the Nightmare on Elm Street films and it was the really old one). 


There was one bit I liked and it was the ending with Freddy's hand because it made me laugh and sets up for two movies time when they do Freddy vs Jason (which i have watched parts of but never the whole thing) Other than that this movie was really shit. The body stealing and how the heart turns into the parasite looking thing and moves across the floor before getting into Diana. The whole set up an execution was just terrible. This franchise needs to stop now, they're taken it too far and it's shit. Not to mention Jason's killing style dramatically changed in this film. There was a part where he took a character (i believe it was a police officer ) and strapped him down and for some reason began to roughly shave him.
(Oh shit. Another reference!)

I'm sat there thinking.. "Jason doesn't plan and torture people. He just gets the job done. Why is this here. It looks like a set up for some kind of torture porn". I have no idea what they were thinking when they released this film. It's that bad! i don't think i even want to discuss it furether because i'll go into a full blown rant.



Another 0/5 stars

Tomorrows Review: Jason X (2001) 

 (apparently this the the worst one out of all of them)

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